Complaint Dept

If you haven't checked it out, the 'Smack Back!' tab lists consumer relations contacts and links for many major retail brands. I encourage all SMACK! readers to, at one point or another, pen a letter of complaint or support to a business about their products or services. Even if you never send the letter, it's a great exercise in putting a voice to your solid instincts and opinions.

So I took my own advice! Friday's column was heavy on the 'tude over these stupid little tea pyramid things that Lipton makes out of PLASTIC. I decided to channel my anger -- the pen is mightier than the sword, as they say.

Turns out it's a bit harder to rip Corporate Giant a new one when their "Contact Us" submit form is so long and tedious and sucks the life right out of your complaint or argument. Here's what I ended up writing:

"I am writing to complain about the pyramid tea bags being sold under the Lipton brand. They are made out of plastic, and it is mind-boggling that in this day and age, with all we know about toxins and carcinogens, that Lipton and Unilever are manufacturing, marketing and selling a product that will produce contaminants when used as directed.  

Surely a company of Unilever's size and influence can find a safer, more suitable material for its Lipton teas that keeps its consumers healthy AND tends to Lipton's bottom line. 

Please know that until that time, I will NOT be purchasing tea or any other products that carry the Lipton brand."

Not nearly the stern warning I had originally envisioned, but it's professional, clear and direct. 

My favorite part of the process was definitely after I hit the 'submit' button and sent away my complaint. I was redirected to a page called "Collaborating with Unilever" (because they can't afford to come up with good ideas on their own??). And here's what I saw:

And that, folks, is what they call Irony.

-- Jazzy

PS. Moving forward, you will be able to find links for all of my complaint letters on the Smack Back! page. Squeaky wheel gets the grease!